Four years. That was how long it has been since I had a sip of alcohol. God damn, what a struggle. It only took two stints in rehab before I could break the cycle. Four year. Had it really been that long? It felt like only minutes ago that I was sitting in that room. Fuck, it smelled like bleach. I can remember the pounding in my head. Bam bam bam. It was like a drum that would not stop. The sweating, the nausea, it was unbearable at times. How could I have become so dependent on something that was so toxic? Never again. Fuck.

He could remember that night as if it were yesterday. The pounding of the base against his eardrums, the flashing lights that could give anyone a seizure. Why on earth was he in a place like this? His friends begged and pleased for him to come out and celebrate the release of Divergent. It was another huge blockbuster for him. Another trophy to add to his wall. Another reason to celebrate. The clinging of glasses immediately caught his ear. Was this a good idea? He had done so well for four years. Why was he here again? He knew it was bad, knew it was wrong. But for some reason, he let his ambitions go.

Just one drink. That is it. Only one. I mean it, Deac. Do not fuck this up. You are man enough to handle a single drink. Don not be such a pussy about it. Stop acting like a little bitch. Drink your one drink and go home.

The instant the cool liquid hit his lips it was like a rush of euphoria back into his body. Damn, it felt so good. That warm feeling, that calming feeling. It had not been two minutes that went by before Deacen had finished his first and moved on to the second. His friends, oblivious to his disease, were happy to egg him on and pour more generously. They had no idea what Deacen was doing to himself. They had no idea where he would end up after tonight. It was all downhill from here

Damn. It feels so good. FUCK. So what if I want to feel good? It is just one night. one little bump in the road. I can handle a few drinks. Do not be such a fucking bitch, Deac. Do not be such a girl about it. DRINK DRINK DRINK CHUG CHUG CHUG!!!!!!

Seconds were quick to turn into minutes, minutes into hours. It was not long before it was nine oclock in the morning and he was in bed with a gorgeous blonde he had never seen before. The pounding, the nausea, it was all coming back to him in a rush. Guilt. So much guilt coursed through his veins. What had he done? How could he have let himself slip when he had come so far? Shame. Regret. Rehab.